… a SiMPLe mE …

yeehaaa… what’s up guys? raya mood dah abih dah… keje keje keje pulak. ahaaksss… what to write in here hah? about my raya? my travelling balik beraya? actually, bila dah sampai umah, dah malas nak bukak pc pr laptop. malas nak read all the mails, write in the blog or whatever related. dah sampai umah tu, takde mood pun dgn mende2 ni.

ana travel balik trg on saturday, 4am dgn 2bijik kete lagi. member ana satu kete and cousin dia adik beradik satu kete. errmmm 4pagi, jalan gelap lagi tuh. but then, it is my idea jugak la in the first place utk balik around 4am to 5am. hehehehe… my friend ask me to be the first rider, tapi tu la.. gelap2 ni, takdapek la nak lead journey tu sbb ana quite rabun gak, so tak konfident mana la nak drive. then dia gerak dulu. i ask her cousin to be in the second place and me myself monitor them from behind. last place… takpe la tuh, lagipun i have to monitor over her cousin sbb dia takbiasa and cian gak kat dia sbb dia kecik lagi, so as a sis, i have to take care jugak la kat diorg adik beradik. alhamdulillah, jalan so smooth, takde masalah pun. kitorg berenti solat subuh kat mana ntah, lupa la pulak. then continue our journey back to kuala terengganu.. balik kampung.. ho ho ho balik kampung. yeaahhh.. sampai kemaman kat kul 7am, dah cerah dah. kitorg singgah kat petrol pump utk penuhkan fuel tank. ahaaksss… ready to go? apa lagi, ana la yg lead, konon la dah cerah, mata pun dah terang.  tapi ana mmg tak speed pun, cuma kenkadang je tertekan minyak terlebih sikit… ahaakksss… alhamdulillah, sampai umah dlm kul semilan setengah plus plus la jugak. ingat nak sambung tido, tapi mmg takdpat la pulak, ana takbiasa tido bila ari dah siang ni, penat camana pun, mata taknak lelap… so, tolong mak buat apa yg patut. barang2 kawin ana tu, ana siapkan sikit2.

balik raya kali ni mmg seronok, tapi penat gila. ramai gak org dtg bertandang, and ana… ana takde gi memana pun cuma gi umah mak angkat ana kat2 umah ana ni jek. then gi open house umah kawan family ana. along dgn kaklong pun balik, dgn kete baru diorg. alhamdulillah dah maju dah diorg skrg lepas2 ekonomi diorg jatuh aritu.. hehehe.. rezeki la tuh. budak bijan pun ada, tu pun menambahkan penat ana, maklum la budak kecik tu sikit maksu.. sikit2 kang maksu.. taknak dah cari org lain. jap2 kang suh call paksu dia.. adeehhaiii… paksu dia… errmmm tu la serba sikit cite raya ana.

awal2 tu balik, my ex boyfriend ajak bukak puasa sama2. actually, ana yakin yg dia sikit sebyk dah boleh terima kenyataan yg ana skrg dah jadik milik org lain. and ana rasa dia sikit sebyk dah selesa dgn keadaan tu, cuma mungkin time2 puasa/raya ni byk kenangan dia dgn ana. jgn la abg kecik ati pulak ye sayang, ana cite mende ni kat sini. even abg pun dah tahu hal ni kan… cuma ana just nak sampaikan something yg related dgn story ni. — dia call ajak bukak puasa. ana rasa mende ni mmg takpatut terjadik pun, so ana tolak baik2. for me, ana takleh buat mende ni sbb ana tahu myKiNg taksuka. everytime apa2 happened berween ana dgn mamat ni, the first priority nye is myKiNg. ana tahu dia taksuka, so ana takbuat laa.. mmg tak elok pun rasanye kalo ana buat sorok2 without bgtahu myKiNg. tak fair utk dia. bukan la ana nak ckp, ana ni baik sgt pun. it just ana cuba being sincere, taknak cacatkan hubungan kitorg dgn mende yg ntah apa2 yg dtg nye dari org luar. mamat ni pun ada sent sms raya utk ana, ana pun dah lupa number phone dia. ana cuba recognize jugak number sape.. yeahh at last ana tahu la sape punye number. taksempat nak reply on the spot coz ana quite busy gak mlm raya tuh, cuma berkesempatan reply him at 2am. just reply him selamat hari raya and maaf byk2 atas apa2 hal pun. tu je laa… malam sebelum dia nak balik ke tempat keje dia balik, dia ada call jugak nak jumpa ana. kali ni pun ana ngelak. it is not good for me and myKiNg. ana ckp ana taknak buat myKiNg camni, takut2 nanti dia pun ada buat kat ana. dia ckp ana terlalu sincere kat myKiNg sedangkan ana taktahu kalo2 myKiNg pun ada jumpa mana2 pompuan time2 ana takde kat sana. yeeehaaaa… dia try nak jadik batu api. tapi tu laa… at last dia mengalah, dia kata myKiNg cukup bertuah sbb ana dah pilih myKiNg as my soulmate. my ex ada pesan kalo2 myKiNg buat ana nangis ke, buat ana sedih ke… dia suh ana bgtahu dia. mcm2 hal la pulak..

situation ni buat ana byk berfikir… bukan fikir utk diri ana sendiri, fikir generally gak laa.. sometimes manusia takpernah berlaku jujur sejujur2nye. kadang2 utk mengelak mende tak diingini berlaku, mereka2 ni sanggup menipu. menipu utk menyelamatkan keadaan. tapi for me… this is the bad attitude dlm satu2 relationship. tapi kenkadang ada sesetengah pihak bagi alasan, i dont he/she get mad, dont want he/she cried, dont want he/she feel sad bila tahu hal yg sebenar. camana tu ek? kat mana letaknye keikhlasan dan kejujuran dlm satu2 perhubungan tu. so, secara taklangsung, hubungan tu takde la seindah yg disangkakan sbbnye ada jugak a few things yg takboleh nak dikongsi bersama. pada ana laaa… u better tell me or when i know from other sources, keadaan mungkin akan jadik lebih keruh lagi. canne naj handle situation macam ni. untuk jaga hati pasangan anda, anda terpaksa menipu atau menolak kebenaran. so bila jadik mcm ni, kat mana anda punye kejujuran? ana akui mmg agak susah utk ana kecewakan org, lagi pulak bila org tu beria2 nak jumpa or what so ever… tapi for myKiNg, i do anything. kalau dia taksuka ana kawan dgn ex ana tu pun takpe, ana takpenah nak argue. ilang sorg kawan takpe, jgn ana kecikkan hati myKiNg. kalo hati myKiNg terluka, ana 1000kali terluka. apa yg dia mintak semua ana buat, ana takde mengeluh pun, asalkan dia happy, ana takpeduli dah perasaan org lain. mende tu nampak cam kejam je, tapi that is the fact. he is my everything. kenapa ana nak kena fulfill request org lain sedangkan in the same time my partner taksuka. it seem like tak fair utk the third party, tapi the third party tu takde apa2 importance pun dlm relationship kitorg. that is why, anything happened antara ana dgn my ex, i always let myKiNg knows about it. for me, better ana bgtahu sendiri, daripada dia tahu dari sumber yg lain. lagipun, nothing much happened dah between us, myKiNg is my world, he have the right to know all about me. and in the same time, i really hope myKiNg treat me mcm tu. takde rahsia. ana suka ke, ana taksuka ke… hopefully dia akan bgtahu ana. sedih ke, nangis ke dah masuk bab kedua. yg penting i just nak dia jujur. semua org pun nak ada couple yang mcm tuh. nothing to hide.

even kenkadang i feel that, sometimes something better keep as a secret. tapi bila pikir2 balik, sampai bila? sebab apa? kalau he/she is totally yours, nothing to hide, better or worse, sedih ke suka ke, he/she will accept you as you are. trust is a foundation in the relationship. sejauhmana trust tu terpulang pada diri masing2. cuma camana nak applykan trust tu bilamana someone tu have to tipu utk jaga hati pasangan dia… camana lak tuh ek? tepuk dada tanye selera. kalau kita taknak mende tu jadik kat kita, kita jgn buat kat org. Tuhan maha mengetahui.

enuff pasal mende2 tuh. so, anything else i left? lebih seminggu takjumpa myKiNg, ptg ni dia ajak jumpa. dia very excited to meet me. ana pun camtu gak. taksabar nak jumpa dia. he miss me a lot! sms dia tak henti2 ucap kata2 cinta dan rindu… he miss me like hell. sabar ye sayang… i miss you too… nanti kita jumpa ek. till then, enjoy la you guys nye raya. take care all!